[Ed. Note:  We have attempted to make the case that the current owner, CEO, GM, manager..."/> [Ed. Note:  We have attempted to make the case that the current owner, CEO, GM, manager..."/>

Taking the Red Sox away from these FAILURES: PT. 6: Fans Buy the Red Sox


[Ed. Note:  We have attempted to make the case that the current owner, CEO, GM, manager, and players are ruining the Boston Red Sox.  Now, in the last of the 6-part series, we propose a solution.]


We the people of Red Sox Nation, in order to form a more perfect team, believe it is our duty to the Boston Red Sox franchise and the game of baseball to buy the team and own it forever.

About 100,000 fans own the Green Bay Packers; it is called the Green Bay Packers, Inc. a nonprofit corporation held by the citizens of Green Bay to run its football team. The Packers are the only publicly owned team in the NFL.



By my calculations, if we just take the number of people who voted last time in New England [Conn., NH, Me., Mass., Vermont], about 11 million, and each one bought one share of Red Sox stock, for $91.18, we would have enough to buy the team for the current price of $1.3 Billion, or less. [No, the B is not a typo.]

(NOTE:  Will some Math major on Red Sox Nation, maybe an M.I.T. Grad student, check my math on this; I frequently leave off, or add, zeroes to my results.)

And, maybe we can get Jim Koch, owner of Samuel Adams Brewing, to buy some stock?

Yes, some pedantic, spoil-sport lawyer out there just said that we will have to sue Butt Sealing and MLB for the right to form a corporation and not have a single moron be the owner.  But, my personal Japanese attorney, Fukayu Sosumi, says there may be a way around it.

He suggests that we start a petition.

Also, he says that we can threaten to sue Butt Sealing and MLB and challenge them on either RICO racketeering statutes [just on the beer prices alone!] and/or their monopoly exemption.

Recall: If you want the Barons of Baseball to have a sudden rush of shit to the heart, just tell them that their “Anti-Trust Exemption” is being reconsidered.


If we can scare him enough, Butt Sealing, might agree to an exemption “in the best interests of baseball.” [Like that ever mattered to him, or the owners, ever.]

Barrister Sosumi suggested we could threaten to raise the issue of how Montreal lost its team in a game of “Three Card Monty” orchestrated by the Commissioner; Fukayu suggested that one could toss out words like “collusion” and “conspiracy” and “RICO.”  There is also the matter of the disposition of the profit of $330 million gained in the sale of the Expos by MLB for $450 million to the Nationals‘ ownership group, the team Bud and the Boys bought for just $120 million.


Fokayu says: Remember the luck of the Milwaukee Brewers, “owned” by Bud Selig’s daughter to not be the team tossed out of the NL and sent into the AL West against the powerful Rangers and Angels?  Recall that Bud bought the bankrupt Seattle Pilots franchise and moved them to Milwaukee and they remained in the AL, until Bud moved them to the NL?

Since the Houston Astros were “born” in 1962 with the Mets as NL expansion teams, it seemed odd that they were the ones who graciously volunteered to change leagues.  Oh, that’s right the guy who wanted to buy the team needed the approval of Bud and the Boys to purchase the Astros and join the private club. Think he perhaps was made an offer he couldn’t refuse by Commish Selig, a quid pro quo:  move to the AL and you get to buy the team.  Perish the thought, conspiracy seekers!

No conflict of interest there; move along…nothing to see.

Fokayu says:  Remember that nasty SEC investigation that found that there was a lack of honest representation of the financial state of the City of Miami and questioned whether MLB played any role in what might be described as a “pay to play” scheme?

Fokayu says:  Alternately, we could threaten to buy a Minor league team and play the games at a university or college near Fenway and appeal to all the frustrated Red Sox fans, who can afford a ticket, or the price of the beer.  “John Henry Bobble head Night” and “Larry Lucchino Bobble head Night”  (“Oh, look mommy, they are also a bank!”)

My attorney, barrister Sosumi suggests that we could find a free attorney, who is required to work “pro boner” to get things rolling.  Fokayu says: he cannot work for free; he has his hands full with me and other clients who are anonymous non-members of un-organized crime.

However, as a fervent Red Sox fan, he as generously drafted a petition.




WHEREAS the ownership group of the Boston Red Sox, through greed and lack of baseball knowledge, while reaping huge profits [doubling the value of the team and making profits from ticket and concession sales], has been unwilling to reinvest profits back into improving the 40-man roster, and has been a failure at fielding a competitive team causing pain and suffering to countless citizens of Red Sox Nation.

The people of the Commonwealths of Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Maine and Vermont, as well as the worldwide citizens of Red Sox Nation, do herewith request intercession and offer these two remedies, in order of preference, to the court.

1.  Allow the Red Sox fans to implement the fan-ownership model that has been successful for the fans of the Green Bay Packers;  to wit: Green Bay Packers, Inc. a nonprofit corporation held by the citizens of Green Bay to run their football team.

2.  Alternatively, we ask the Governor of Massachusetts and the Mayor of Boston to seize the team as a “public good” and/or as a State and National “historical treasure” to prevent a valuable asset from being moved or squandered, or sheltered offshore. This might be accomplished under the aegis  of “eminent domain” through the office of the Massachusetts’ Attorney General, or as an act of “martial law” by the Governor of Massachusetts, or even as an omnibus emergency intervention on the part of Child Protective Services, in order that the children in Red Sox Nation not be subjected to future seasons of graceless, hapless, joyless, non-competitive baseball.

3.  We then request that the court allow the new non-profit corporation, Red Sox Nation, Inc., or the Massachusetts’ Attorney General, or other such governmental agency to sue Major League Baseball to revise its ownership rules to allow a the fans who own shares in Red Sox Nation, Inc., to run the Red Sox team as a non-profit fan-owned holding company.

4.  We further petition to model our Red Sox Nation, Inc. corporation after the Green Bay Packers, Inc. by likewise selling shares to the public in our nonprofit  holding company that would operate the Boston Red Sox, Inc., in the same manner as the Green Bay Packers or FC Barcelona. The initial offering would be 11 million shares at $91.18 each with a limit of 10 shares per buyer.

5. The new Boston Red Sox, Inc. would purchase the Boston Red Sox team, Fenway Park, NESN and any other baseball-related entities, but not any soccer-related entities, from the current ownership, the Fenway Sports Group, for a fair market price for the team, currently estimated @ $1.3 Billion, less the appraised value of the soccer team known as Liverpool F.C., as well as any other entities not related or required by the Boston Red Sox.

Respectfully submitted by the following undersigned citizens of Red Sox Nation.


And now, your humble scribe must return to the unending search for truth and justice for our next article on the Bosox Injection. Mr. Styalko, our Editor in Chief always kindly reminds us with a smile:  we’re making the big money and, “To whom much is given, much is expected.”

We are hopeful that someone will pick up the ball and run with a petition, so the fans can own their Red Sox.

We have applied a strip of masking tape to a Ball jar and marked it “Red Sox: $91.18.”

When someone has the time, we’ll have that money.


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