The Boston Red Sox have bolstered their pitching rotation this offseason with the additions of Garrett Crochet (via trade) and Walker Buehler (via a one-year deal that resembles the qualifying offer). Still, they yearn for an impactful right-handed bat to complete the picture. Perhaps they'll be able to acquire one ... via horse?
Buehler and free agent Alex Bregman, recently of the Houston Astros, have partnered to own a race horse together, with the hurler admitting to the Boston media that he's put together a pitch to his current friend about partnering up with the Red Sox. The Sox have already added two hosses to the rotation. Would they like to add two more to the roster (Bregman, a human horse, as well as an actual horse)?
Luckily, we were able to get legitimate information straight from the sHorse's mouth (that's a source that is also a horse). BoSox Injection spoke with Bregman and Buehler's horse this week regarding the latest rumors in an attempt to suss out whether or not he has any hide in the game.
Walker Buehler and Alex Bregman co-own at least one of Bregman's many racehorses. https://t.co/FaTcaOS6VS
— Chandler Rome (@Chandler_Rome) January 3, 2025
Alex Bregman and Walker Buehler's horse March of Time makes pitch for Bregman to join Red Sox
I was able to catch up with Bregman and Buehler's horse -- a 3-year-old colt named March of Time, trained by Bob Baffert and sired by Justify -- at the stables outside the Santa Anita raceway following a recent $60,000 victory, his first. He greeted me with a gentle whinny, acknowledging my presence after completing a 15-second lick session on a sugar cube. He then offered me something called a "horse cigar," which seemed to be six more sugar cubes wrapped in a brown banana peel.
"I know Alex is looking for big money," March of Time noted. "Off the top of my head, some huge number like ... I don't know, $60,000 maybe? Obviously, that's the biggest number in the world."
"But if the Red Sox eventually up their offer, I think it'd be an amazing fit," he continued. "Walker wants him there. I think Alex wants to be there, if the numbers match up. Obviously I want to be there. It's the home of the greatest horse performance in American history -- Paul Revere. It's hallowed horse ground."
If all parties are aligned on desire and need, though, is the only holdup money? Don't be so sure.
"To be honest, I'm a little bit worried about redundancies," March of Time cautioned. "Don't they already have a horse in that locker room? Last time I was at Fenway, I saw something galloping, rolling around, and bleating towards the sun." March of Time eventually recanted this point after he was informed he'd just seen Triston Casas being himself.
If not Boston, then who, though? The Tigers are thought to be aggressive for Bregman's services. The Blue Jays have been mentioned recently, but have long been associated with free agent lost causes.
"Honestly, I'm at a loss here," March of Time mused. "I thought he'd go back to Houston, but I guess neigh. I just can't see Alex going to Toronto. And that's a bummer for Toronto, because I have panoramic vision. I can pretty much see everything."
"At the end of the day, Walker and Alex feel like the final pieces of Boston's puzzle," he finished. "People keep talking about 'regression' and 'returning from injury', but that's not a concern for me. Actually, that'd be amazing. They let humans return from injury?!"