If you were to take a poll asking the opinion of Red Sox fans regarding the pursuit of free agent J.D. Martinez, what might those results look like?
We are LIVE here from the Corner Bar on Broadway in South Boston and we want to take a poll and get a few opinions about the Boston Red Sox possibly signing free agent outfielder/DH J. D. Martinez.
* Editor’s Note: This is a fictional poll. The results and quotes that follow do not represent the opinion of any particular fan.
We are passing out ballots to about 100 patrons that say:
- Sign him for 5 years for $20 million a year.
- Sign him for 5 years for $25 million a year.
- Sign him for 7 years for $20 million a year.
- Sign him for 7 years for $25 million a year.
- Don’t sign the guy.
As we wait for the waitresses to collect the ballots, let’s interview a few random patrons to get their take on signing Martinez.
Mike McGuirk:
“Me? I wouldn’t sign him at all! He’s an iron glove in the field; he gives back more runs with his errors than he bats in…what, like, 25 or so? Nah! I’d sign that kid from Shi-cago, the first baseman, Abray, Abray-you, Jose…”
Johnny “The Wheel” Barbosa:
“Boras wants a ten-year deal with a guy who’s already 30 years-old? What’s he gonna do when he’s 39 and 40? Yeah, Big Papi lasted a long time…the idiots let him go too soon. I bet he could still be knockin’ ‘em outta the p-ah-k…”
Midge McGuire:
“So you are paying a lotta dough for a DH and then he’ll be gripin’ dat he ain’t playin’ in the field…Nah!”
Doc Feldstein:
“OK, so he’s a righty batter and he hits against most lefty starters and then against certain righty starters…but keep him off the field. We got the best defensive outfield in baseball…You take out Mookie, Jackie, or Benny and you’re giving up runs on defense…”
Connie McGillicuddy:
“Why spend all that money on a guy who can’t field. Sign that Jay Bruce guy for a few years at about $20 million and save your money for the 2019 free agents…”
Marty “The Muscle” Scaramucci:
“We let Moreland and Hanley play first and DH…They were both injured last season, so they gotta do better this year. Then, we spend our money on Bryce H-ah-puh next year…”
Ima O’Flaherty:
“Don’t sign Mah-tinez…use what you got better. Bring back Noon-nez. You put him at third base against lefty starters and let the kid, De-vahs, play third against righty starters…”
Ronnie “The Rat” Ronzoni:
“Ah, they shoulda’ nev-ah fi-yed Francona…”
Mickey McGraw:
“I’d trade Price and some kids for Jose Abreu; Price is a grump and a Clubhouse Lawyer. I read in the Chicago paper that the kid has a great attitude in the clubhouse…”
Bobby “The Book” Bernstein:
“Fuh-get Martinez or Bruce or Hosmer, or any of them. A lotta the Sox had a down year in 2017 and, remember, they still won the AL East…Hanley and Moreland and Price bounce back from them injuries, odds are you win another 10 games and finish 103 and something…”
Ducky O’Doul:
“Me, I say tell Boras, my top dollar is $140 million; you decide the length of the deal…just do the frickin’ division…So my answer on my poll sheet is all of the above and I wrote in a little note here…”
We now have the results of the poll: so, can I please have your attention ladies and gentlemen.
- Sign him for 5 years for $20 million a year.
- Sign him for 5 years for $25 million a year.
- Sign him for 7 years for $20 million a year.
- Sign him for 7 years for $25 million a year.
- Don’t sign the guy.
Next: Red Sox: Past free agency mistakes make Dave Dombrowski cautious
(Loud cheer and raised glasses all around.)
“Ok, the next round’s on the BoSox Injection!”