A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, these Star Wars characters shared common traits with players on the Boston Red Sox roster.
You may have heard that there’s a new Star Wars film hitting theaters this week, which is bound to break more records than David Price‘s contract in it’s opening weekend alone.
We all know that the New York Yankees were dubbed as the Evil Empire years ago, so as their biggest rival it would only be natural to make the Red Sox the feisty Rebels. That’s right, we’re the good guys!
To commemorate the opening of The Force Awakens, let’s explore which characters our Red Sox heroes would be if they were in the Star Wars universe.
Luke Skywalker – Xander Bogaerts: As a 21-year old rookie in 2014, Bogaerts began his first full season in the big leagues as a wide eyed kid that was a bit over-matched upon being cast in the spotlight. Despite some early struggles, it was clear the Force was strong with the former top prospect who was destined for great things. The team’s patience paid off this year as Bogaerts ascended to the title of Jedi Master in a breakout year that saw him finish second in the batting title race with a .320 average, while establishing himself as one of the game’s top young shortstops.
Han Solo – Dustin Pedroia: Cunning, charismatic and not afraid to get his hands dirty. Pedroia is never shy about speaking his mind and he has the talent to back up his swagger. Plus, is there any doubt that the Laser Show would have shot first?
Chewbacca – David Ortiz: A large, intimidating presence at first glance, but Big Papi is actually as joyful and friendly a persona as you’ll find in this clubhouse. Just don’t make him angry or he’s bound to crush you with his massive strength. Or at least use it to crush a fastball into the center field bleachers.
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R2D2 – Brock Holt: When his friends are in trouble this little droid has proven himself to be remarkably resourceful in getting them out of a jam (or a trash compactor). Likewise, Holt’s versatility allows for him to come to the rescue when the Red Sox need someone to fill in at virtually any position. Initially expected to be no more than a utility man off the bench, the Brock Star has become a vital member of the team, just as R2 became after initially being purchased to be a mere worker on Luke’s uncle’s farm.
Obie Wan Kenobi – Ryan Hanigan: The grizzled veteran has seen many battles behind the plate, giving him valuable experience that he can pass down to his young padawan catchers, Blake Swihart and Christian Vazquez.
Lando Calrissian – Clay Buchholz: At times it appears that Buchholz is a master of his craft, but he doesn’t exactly have the best reputation. Not that he’s going to betray his friends to the Empire or anything, but his history of never making 30+ starts or reaching 200 innings in a season can make him difficult to trust.
Jar Jar Binks – Hanley Ramirez: Brought in to become a significant addition to the franchise, Jar Jar quickly drew the ire of fans that found him to be useless and annoying. Fans are likewise turning on Ramirez after a disappointing first season with the Red Sox that was marred by injury. Ramirez looked as out of place in left field as Binks did along side Jedi Knights, forcing the team to once again experiment with him at another position. Just as his move to first base is meant to minimize the damage of Ramirez’s atrocious defense, Binks’s role in Episodes II and III was marginalized due to the negative reaction to his film debut.
Rey, Finn and Poe – Mookie Betts, Eduardo Rodriguez, and Henry Owens: These youngsters represent the future of the franchise. The early returns during their brief careers have been promising, so it will be exciting to watch them develop as they form the core of the next generation of Red Sox stars.
Star Wars fans are hoping that The Force Awakens will live up to the original trilogy, or at least be better than the prequel trilogy. Red Sox fans hope for a similar fate, with a retooled pitching staff leading them back to postseason glory. Or at least leading them out of last place anyway.
May the Force be with them both.