Red Sox players who are painful to watch

Oct 23, 2013; Boston, MA, USA; A general view of the press box before game one of the MLB baseball World Series between the St. Louis Cardinals and Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park. Mandatory Credit: Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports

There are certain players on the Red Sox that are just plain painful to watch. The good news is the Red Sox have no Mike Hargrove – “The Human Rain Delay” or some pitching moron with his bonnet slung to the side. Is that some type of baseball bizarre fashion statement I missed out on? Can’t the fashion police do something? Isn’t there an obscure fine that can be imposed? Fifty games for PED’s and that hat thing should bag a 100 game suspension.

The Red Sox do have some players that just make me cringe with their persistent idiosyncrasies during the game, before the game and after the game. Sometimes it is just play on the field or how I interpret their general demeanor. Everything is open on this issue since what I perceive as a foible others may view as some type of quality that should be admired and not summarily dismissed.

Jul 10, 2015; Boston, MA, USA; Boston Red Sox starting pitcher Clay Buchholz (11) pitches during the first inning against the New York Yankees at Fenway Park. Mandatory Credit: Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

Clay Buchholz is just terrible to witness as a pitcher. Excruciatingly slow when totally unnecessary. Watching Buchholz is like having a tooth extracted without Novocaine.

The idea is relatively simple for a pitcher. Get the ball. Look for sign. Throw the ball. A simple procedure that is a 1-2-3 step. Simple for a Wade Miley, a notorious fast worker, but for Buchholz? Ouch!

The various pitching coaches that have dealt with Buchholz have routinely worked on his “pacing.” That is a polite pitching term for tossing the ball in a reasonable amount of time. With Buchholz on the mound I bring my Kindle to the game. If by some pitching miracle he goes deep into the game I can get half a book in. Hey, Clay, Rule 8.04!

Frustrating to watch when a slow is matched up with another slow. There are numbers on this and Buchholz was one of the slowest. Traipsing around the bump while he waits for the cowhide on the ball to ripen. Maybe this all goes back to Josh Beckett? Beckett was notoriously slow and Buchholz somewhat idolized Beckett – so just maybe?

The Red Sox also have a fast worker in Justin Masterson. Based on Masterson’s 2015 performance it might be a good idea for him to hold the ball until the next ice age.

Meanwhile, I’ll just wait for Mark Buehrle to pitch.

Jul 20, 2015; Anaheim, CA, USA; Boston Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz (34) celebrates after hitting a two0run home run against the Los Angeles Angels during the sixth inning at Angel Stadium of Anaheim. Mandatory Credit: Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

David Ortiz has never, ever had a strike called on him – at least in his view. The endless histrionics with a Papi at bat can be the baseball fingernails on the blackboard. Step out, expectorate, pound your mittens, stare, and the step in. Stare back at every strike called.

Then comes the bat flip. The flip is the two stage flip: The first being the frustration flip over missing “his pitch” and the second is the long ball flip. The long ball flip should be used sparingly, especially in certain situations. And based on this season it has been used sparingly since Ortiz has suffered a power outage.

In a game against the Angels, Papi hit one out and went into his happy dance. Wonderful. Your team is down something like 123-3, Red Sox Nation is worshiping for implementation of the slaughter rule, and Papi is doing his home run prance. Please. Just please. Let Don Drysdale or Bob Gibson be brought back as 30-year-olds for one, just one, Ortiz at bat. That would certainly be a wake-up call for “The Diva.”

Jul 21, 2015; Houston, TX, USA; Boston Red Sox third baseman Pablo Sandoval (48) throws out a runner at second base during the fifth inning against the Houston Astros at Minute Maid Park. Mandatory Credit: Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

Pablo Sandoval is not “heavyset,” nor is he “portly,” and since I am not sensitive to PC sentiments – Panda is plain fat. Terry Foster “Tub of goo” fat. Panda would make a good bookend to John Kruk of “I’m not an athlete, I’m a baseball player” fame.

Now the great quarterback, Sonny Jurgensen, once had a retort to a reporter on the Jurgensen girth: “I throw with my arm, not my stomach.” But Sonny never played third base and attempt to spear, deflect, corral and eventually throw a baseball zipped that way. I am beginning to wonder if Sandoval ever will.

Observing the appropriately named “Hot corner” with Sandoval displaying as much ability to catch a ball as the Venus de Milo is an adventure for the viewer and tragic for a pitcher concerned about an inflated ERA. Panda covers about as much territory as a postage stamp. The good news is Sandoval has displayed the fact that he is equally inept at going to his right or left. Roger Dorn would be a better option.

The other part of the game is hitting. Is there a rule that Sandoval must invariably swing at every first pitch or second or third…. I have never witnessed such an undisciplined hitter. Pablo has hit .291 in his MLB career and that is by wailing away at virtually everything tossed his way. Imagine what this dude could hit with some self-control.