[Once again, Earl’s grumpy, old uncle, “Bash” Nash,” has taken over the keyboard while Earl is shoveling out the barn…] MLB.com sent me an email titled “Catch what’s Next—OnesToWatch.com” and, since it’s MLB.com, I’m thinking this must be…
…a new prospect site, where they feature amateur baseball players in HS and College, and I am ready to hit my BOOKMARK button.
Then, I find out it has nothing to do with baseball; Bud Selig’s Perpetual Promotion Money Machine has sent me to a site that allows me to find out who to watch in music, who the up and coming stars are in modern music, and offers me a chance to buy tickets.
"Shame on you, Bud!"
You say you have never read an email, but you are selling a product on MLB.com that’s not about baseball, but about making more profits for you and MLB and your billionaire owners; it’ just a cheap marketing plan to hit “an age cohort,” who like baseball and music.
"Oh, you feel financially insecure, Bud?"
So, that $325 million you have stashed away for you retirement isn’t quite enough? And, while you are collecting a full-time $2 million salary from MLB, are you finding time to supplement your “day job” by teaching a college course, or two, while you can still play off the Commissioner of Major League Baseball shine.
Music is wonderful, but Rolling Stone and Grammys.com are not sending me links to the latest baseball prospects. And, if they were, you would have your lawyers so far up their pant legs they would think a rabid ferret was gnawing on their saphenous vein.
It is indeed heart-wrenching when you go into you “Little Buddy Baseball” routine, but, that’s just a magician’s diversion; behind the “Little Buddy Baseball” Halloween mask lurks CEO Bud, voraciously avaricious, a greedy, seedy huckster who put The Buck before The Game.
Have you ever even heard of the music prospects–the “Ones To Watch” on your MLB.com website? No? No? No?
OK, you got lucky, NONONO is the name of a music group; here are some more: WET, HAIM, and Chase Rice. You probably think its the instructions to some new-fangled microwave dinner.
What kind of spam can I expect next from MLB.com, a car rental website?
Oh, that’s right you were in the car rental business in Muh-walky, the one your father handed to you, before you stole the Seattle Pilots and moved them to Milwaukee for a tidy profit in the millions.
You are a greedy little man living like a hermit crab in the trappings of the Commissioner of Major League Baseball and, when you finally retire, you will have milked every dime from MLB and amassed a fortune, $325 million; sadly, when you retire you will be materially rich, but still that same nerd at Washington H.S., who never played on the baseball team.
But you Alan Selig have “shown them”–those popular kids and the jocks at Washington High School and, after using the game of baseball to make you rich and wearing the Commissioner’s clothes to impress those classmates, you will finally get the statue in front of Miller Park that you so richly deserve.
When did Alan Selig, the boy of joy, who loved the game, turn into “Bud,” the man profane, who used the game?
SOURCE: Original image of statue from Yahoo Sports; changes made to current new image on Photoshop.
Featured image copied from MLB email and edited for purposes of illustration.