Why Sox need a Wake to avoid a Fenway funeral; the case for a knucklehead


Although Wakefield was a knucklehead during a post game interview, he is a simple solution to the Supplemental Starter Search, and we will not have to read about Oswalt’s loony contract demands anymore.

There is an expression that applies to Wake’s self-centered comments: “He tore his ass in church.”  It means that he made a fool of himself in public. [The imagery suggests a man, in church, who has ripped out the butt seam on his dress pants and he is the only parishioner who does not know it].

"The unwritten code for players in any interview is this:* Pitchers, who have just won a game with a great effort, say:“Yeah, it was OK, but how about those hitters!”* Hitters, who have just won a game with a great effort, say:“Yeah, it was OK, but how about those pitchers!”"

If you make the interview All About You, you will be filed under “Narcissist Dickhead” with Reggie Jackson and Barry Bonds.  [We will cut Bobby Valentine some slack here.]

If the other pitchers, who sat in the clubhouse during games eating, drinking. and playing video games can be forgiven, or, at least allowed to stay on the roster, Wake deserves it too.

But, let me make the case for his value with stats and suggest the “added value” a knuckleballer, even a knuckleheaded one, brings to the pitching staff.

Using Baseball Reference as an objective correlative, let’s compare projections:

"Javier Vasquez             12-8,   3.76, WHIP 1.30, 2.25 K/W% in 191 IP    $7 Rich Harden                 13-12, 4.32, WHIP 1.38, 1.61 K/W% in 207 IP    $1.5Jon Garland                  13-12, 4.22, WHIP 1.25, 3.32 K/W% in 216 IP    $5Bill Wakefield              12-11  4.41  WHIP 1.35, 1.79 K/W% in 201 IP    $1.5 [guess]"

Accounting for the parsimonious budget mood, where the Sox say they cannot afford the price of oil [$2.5 million] to run their $161,762,475 “team bus,” we should choose between Harden and Wakefield; I would take Harden, but I am making a case for Wake here.

Oh, BTW, the Sox have already spent about 97.5% of their budget and are now unwilling to spend about $2.5 million to make the team complete, we note that the average player salary is about $6 million [2011: $ 5,991,202].  It’s like the Sox owners bought a new car and now they say they can’t drive it to the World Series for lack of money for gas.  The One-Per Centers up in the corner offices should pony up at least an average salary $6 million for that supplemental starter for insurance for The Pen Bard and Aces Aceves.

But, Huckleberry Roy wants $10 million for one year and maybe a private jet to take him home to Mississippi, when he is not pitching, and back for the games when he is the starter; no red M&Ms; give me an effin’ break!  Roy, try a AAA team near your house: Mississippi Braves. Double-A, they are looking for a middle-innings reliever; get your directions to Trustmark Field here: http://www.milb.com/team1/page.jsp?ymd=20090203&content_id=504655&vkey=team1_t430&fext=.jsp&sid=t430

And here is the smooth transition to Wakefield: “middle innings relief.”  Next to getting knocked on his butt by Bob Gibson or Bob Rush, the thing that Willie Mays hated the most was knuckleball pitchers;  Willie said that they threw off his timing for days after the game.

Say, Valentine’s gotten six solid innings from his starter, and he needs a bridge to his 8th inning set-up guy and his 9th inning closer.  Top of the 7th, nobody on base: enter Bill Wakefield, Knucklehead Knuckleballer.  The hitters have been seeing the standard heaters and off-speed pitches, so far.  Now comes Flakey Wakey with something completely different: a pitch with no velocity and nobody knows where it will go.  The stark contrast should be enough to confuse and confound the opposing batters.  Then, after watching the butterfly ball flutter for an inning, in comes Melancon with a heater that then looks like 107.5 MPH.

"Thus my case for a final Wake for Wake:* Affordable [$1.5-2 million]* Over .500 starter: 12 Ws, eats 200 innings.* Accustomed to fill-in starter role and Fenway.* Potential 7th inning specialist from the pen.* Saves the team money; no new uniform with name to buy.* Bonus for the bean counting owners; a draw as he approaches record."

Now, can we just sign Wakefield, so we can tell Oswald to STFU?


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