Weekly Superlatives: David Ortiz, Ino Guerrero & Hideki Okajima
Now that the Red Sox have played a few games and their Spring schedule appears to be packed from now until opening day, I decided to start a weekly column that awards superlatives to various members of the organization for their accomplishments over the previous 7 days. Every player, manager, GM, and owner is fair game and every Thursday, I will acknowledge a few of those folks for the good, bad, ugly, and unbelievable performances. The focus will be on the Red Sox, of course, but you never know if there will be a bonus award or 2 for other MLB people that deserve to be called-out. I present you with the 1st edition of Weekly Superlatives. Let me know what you think by leaving a comment or sending me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The ‘I Can Crush Minor-League Pitching in the Spring’ Award
Our 1st winner in the history of this column is the lovable, clutch-machine, David Ortiz. In 8 at-bats during 3 Spring games so far, Ortiz has 5 hits, a home run, and 4 RBIs. He is hitting at a .625 clip with a 1.000 slugging percentage against well-known pitchers like Craig Kimbrel and Cristhian Martinez of the Atlanta Braves, and Kevin Slowey of the Minnesota Twins. Ok, so maybe only Slowey is a known name, but still, hits are hits, right? Let’s get honest here for a second. Isn’t it just a tad unfair for a minor-league pitcher to have to stare in at the 6’4” 230 lb frame of Big Papi? He’s a monster…a cuddly one, but still. Here’s hoping that Ortiz continues to crush opposing pitchers, regardless of their level, especially when the regular season begins in April.
The ‘Oh Shit, What Did I Just Do’ Award
One of the more beloved members of the Red Sox coaching staff who remains in the shadows all the time is Ino Guerrero. He burst out of the shadows this week and received national attention, unfortunately, it was for a freak accident. While hitting shagged balls back into the infield towards the bucket, Guerrero somehow managed to pick-off Josh Beckett, hitting him square in the head, leaving him with a mild concussion. I think this award is self-explanatory, because let’s be honest, when news broke, all of Red Sox nation collectively said “Oh Shit, what did he just do?” Thankfully Beckett’s symptoms are gone and he is back on the field laughing with Guerrero. Somehow, I have a gut feeling Guerrero will be just a tad more careful next time he is hitting balls back to the infield.
The ‘I am Trying My Hardest Not to Make the Major-League Roster in 2011’ Award
Our final Red Sox award goes to the one and only Hideki Okajima. After sitting in the free agent market for a short while this off-season, the Red Sox decided to take a shot and re-sign the lefty, hoping for magically better results. As it turns out, through 2 Spring games, Okajima is statistically the worst pitcher on the Red Sox pitching staff. He has allowed 4 earned runs on 5 hits in 2 innings, putting his early era at 18.00. Congratulations Okie, you are pushing all the wrong buttons and practically begging the Red Sox to waive you. All you needed to do this season was show up at Spring training and pitch just well enough for the Red Sox front office to believe you may still be a remotely decent pitcher. No one is expecting anything great from you anymore, but right now, you are so far down you have to look up a mediocrity.
The ‘I Want to Be Just Like Miguel Cabrera’ Award
This week I offer a bonus MLB award who has Red Sox connections. This was a no-brainer if I have ever seen one (ironically, no-brainer is my new nickname for Coco). Earlier this week, former Red Sox and current Oakland Athletics outfielder Coco Crisp was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. Really Coco? You have made over $23 million over the span of your career and have a $5.75 million deal for this upcoming season and you can’t call a f’ing cab? If cabs are too dirty for you, then why not call a limo? It’s the 1st week of this column and just like that, Coco is battling his alcoholic hero, Miguel Cabrera, for the Idiot of the Year Award. The best part? The season is still just under a month away and we already have 2 front-runners. I am disappointed in you Corvelli Crisp…I expected more from you.
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