Wake Me When It’s Over. Angels Take Down Sox Again 7-3.
It was the kind of sleep that hits you like an unexpected wave. It swept over me and there was no fighting it. I had just played two killer sets of tennis and then unwittingly settled down to watch what would, in retrospect, become the perfect nightmarish sedative; Angels vs. Red Sox at Fenway Park.
As my somnambulistic ordeal unfolded, a series of movie stills punctuated my fleeting waking moments as I slipped in and out of a carousel of dream states, each time hoping that the Sox were not going to end up losing and with each return to a wakeful state compelled to once again close my eyes.
It was Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry, played by Jered Weaver. Every time Boston hinted at getting anything going he shut them down. True they scored two runs against Weaver during the righty’s seven-inning 7-3 win – his 16th of the year against only three losses – but it never really felt like Boston was threatening. “I know what you’re thinking: ‘Did he fire six strikes, or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being this is my right arm, one of the most powerful appendages in the league, and would blow the bat clean our of your hands, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well do ya, punk?”
It was Night of the Living Dead and the Red Sox zombie lineup was typecast perfectly. Adrian Gonzalez flying out lazily to left field in the ninth with two on to end the game after Boston had showed one of their only signs of life was proof positive of the casting brilliance.
"It was Ground Hog Day and I was Bill Murray, only instead of waking repeatedly to Sonny and Cher’s “I Got You Babe” I woke continuously to “Sweet Caroline” (not So Good, So Good, So Good, So Good!”). Like Murray’s character Phil, I knew the outcome of the game and it became more certain and absurd each time I awoke."
Maybe I’d been awake the whole time. Maybe Clay Buchholz, after a string of good starts, really hadn’t fallen to earth, giving up 12 hits and seven runs in 5.1 innings. Maybe Boston’s first four hitters in the lineup didn’t go a collective five for 19, Gonzalez going 0-5. Maybe pigs will fly.
Mercifully, my nightmares ended last night. Unfortunately for the Red Sox, they’re playing baseball again tomorrow.
Welcome to my nightmare.
Welcome to my breakdown.
I hope I didn’t scare you.
That’s just the way we are
When we come down.
We sweat, laugh and scream here,
Cuz life is just a dream here.
– Welcome to My Nightmare, Alice Cooper