Welcome To The Jungle: The Beat Down Goes On

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Welcome to the jungle it gets worse here every day
Ya learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play
– Welcome To The Jungle – Guns ‘N Roses

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls; welcome to the Boston Red Sox 2012 baseball season, otherwise known as Apocalypse Now. I’ve stated in the past after a particularly tough loss and not entirely in jest, “It was a meltdown of RedSoxian proportions.” Today at Fenway Park nothing was in jest and it was a meltdown of RedSoxian proportions.

"Boston showed not only just how vulnerable their precarious pitching is but also how serious as a heart-attack their young season hangs in the balance already. This ship is clearly heading for a Titanic-like crash and there’s nothing Bobby Valentine or what appears to be a poisoned, injury-riddled and psychologically  battered team can do about it."

Saturday’s loss was proof positive. Felix Doubront went six solid innings against the Evil Empire (4 hits, 1 run, 3 walks and 7 Ks) and left the game with a 9-1 lead only to have a horror show parade of relievers give up 14 runs in the seventh and eighth innings to send the Sox to their fifth straight defeat and fans, critics, media and I believe my cat into a state of, well, catatonic disbelief.. Take a good look at this box score. As SNL’s 1977 host of bad everything, Leonard Pinth Garnell  would say, “Astonishingly awful.”

Vicente Padilla, Matt Albers, Franklin Morales, Alfredo Aceves and Justin Thomas could not close the door on a late-inning New York blitzkrieg. It was recently reported that Alfredo Aceves has said he isn’t comfortable in the closer role. Ya think? After giving up five of New York’s eighth inning runs without recording an out that fact is clearly established. Do not delay. Get Bard back in the bullpen, period and end of discussion.

Some things in sports are actually so bad that they become good. I laughed in the eighth inning and leered at the television with perverse fascination as New York tacked on seven runs to add to the seven they had already scored in the seventh. It was both stunning and compelling, like a spectacular crash that you don’t want to look at but know in your heart you will. Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole!

My rant is over. I don’t feel any better. I’m sure after yesterday’s implosion that I’ll watch not one more game this year with any feeling approaching security.

It’s sad, so sad
It’s a sad, sad situation
And it’s getting more and more absurd
– Sorry Seems to Be The Hardest Word, Elton John

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