RAMIREZ SPRING TRAINING 2012 PROJECTION: ‘Manny is cold, but not yet frozen.’



Since he has not returned my call yet, I can neither confirm, nor deny the spurious viral rumor that he will be returning to Boston as DH and right fielder. Wasn’t it Aristotle who said: “He who hath Manny friends hath none.”? Didn’t Shakespeare write: “Cowards die Manny times before their deaths.”? One quote, definitely applies to Ramirez: “If it weren’t for baseball, Manny kids wouldn’t know what a millionaire looked like.” Phyllis Diller said that.

Q: How would the Red Sox Nation vote on whether to bring Manny back to Fenway?
[comments welcome at the bottom]

With many Tweets on which players teams WANT, there are now Tweets and Re-Tweets about the many teams that do NOT WANT Manny:

4:01pm: Olney tweets that the early response from evaluators around baseball is that an AL team will give Manny a non-roster invite to Spring Training to see if he can still hit. Olney also speculates that the following teams will have no interest in Ramirez: the Red Sox, Yankees, Royals, Tigers, White Sox, Indians, Twins, Rangers, Angels, and A’s. The Mariners are probably not interested in signing Ramirez, a source tells Buster Olney of ESPN.com (via Twitter).

After reading all these NIMBY [“Not In My Baseball Yard”] re-Tweets, Manny may want to retreat to the position of being grateful to get invited to Spring Training by ANY major league team. Manny may be reminded of the Bible saying: “Many are called, but few are chosen.”

IN A RELATED ITEM: Sources say that Bud Light will try to put a warm Happy Face spin on the frigid conditions at his 2012 “Winter” World Series’ night games with the slogan: “Many are cold, but few are frozen.”

In the interest of not starting bar room brawls in Southie, domestic disputes in Back Bay, or a stock market crash in NYC, let’s assume that Manny “Spendored Thing” Ramirez will not bring his special brand of chaos to the Red Sox locker room; let’s speculate on the best fit for him on other teams.

Since Manny has “fallen” as an outfielder, like a T-ball player with his shoe laces tied together and an iron glove, any National league team would rather put a pitcher in the OF before Manny “Missed It” Ramirez.

This makes him a one trick pony, a DH, unless a team is “feelin’ lucky” and willing to settle for a pinch hitter who can only play 112 games, who, if he batted once in all 112 games would cost @ $18,000 per AT-BAT; if he managed to match his career BA [.312] , he would get 32 hits @$62,500 per HIT. Since he is #13 on the all-time HR per AB role with a homer every 14.85 at-bats; let’s pencil him in for 7.45 HRs; OK, let’s round it off to 8; that would cost exactly $250,000 per HR.

CUE:  NL team nnouncer’s Home Run call:

“And that’s another “Quarter-Million-Dollar” shot for Manny!”

So, eliminating ALL the NL teams, AND THE RED SOX, let’s also toss out the following “re-modeling” or “youth movement” or  “small market” teams in the AL: Oakland, Kansas City, Baltimore, and Toronto. So, let’s see which of the remaining suckers, ahem, teams might be glad to over-pay for a DH/Little League OF.

Yankees: With DHs like, Chavez, Posada, and Andruuw “Why You Smilin’ Fool?” Jones, Manny would be an upgrade for the Broncs Bummers. The money is there and Manny could give CF Granderson a breather in late innings in close games…

Tampa: He re-joins Joyce and Damon at DH; Manny & Johnny, “Idiots RE-Reunion,” the movie? Budget: $41,932,171 [#29 of 30 in MLB]. Ask Bud Light if you can void his $2 million contract; what? Bud says he is applying the “touched him last” rule?

Detroit: DH crowd [Martinez, Ordonez, Young, Cabrera, Manny? Won’t waste any of the #10 budget in MLB [$105,705,232] on Man-Ram. Besides, Leyland would never be able to quit smoking.

Cleveland: Thome, LaPorta, Santana at DH; #26 of 30 MLB budgets [$49,188,867]; Manny could give CF Fukodome a breather in late innings in close games…

Chicago Sox: DH: Konerko and “He’s” Dunn? Hmmm…#5 MLB budget [$129,285,539] Southside Downside: could rookie manager, Ventura, handle the Manny Show? Prospect Dayan Viciedo is the next Manny.

Texas: DH Moreland may never be the same, after having his pisiform bone removed; Napoli, Young, and even Murphy fill out the quarter. Why it is a lock Manny will not become a Texas Ranger: Nolan Ryan, who already has an “Idiot” sitting next to him at home games.

Angels: DHs: Abreu, Trumbo, Izturis, Branyan, Trumbo [less time at 1b]. Not enough ego room for Manny World in the Poo’s House.

Seattle: DHs: Wells, Carp, and former Boston “Phebomb” Willy “Please No” Mo Pena. The #16 MLB budget [$86,424,600] might be enough, since they can’t afford Prince Fielder, they may want Marquis Manny to give the media something to report on, since the Angels and the Rangers have formed their new two-team division called “AL West Champs and Wild Card Team.”

Uh, oh…my cell phone is vibrating…
“Hell…Manny? Money? No, not Money—MANNY! You’re not calling about Manny? Oh, you’re calling about “money”…Sorry, I’m on a cell phone…Oh, yeah, credit card payments…OH, we owe MONEY…HOW much? Really? Hold on…HONEY! It’s for YOU!”

 

 

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Topics: 2012, Announced, Announcement, Announces, Boston, Contract, DH, Former, Free Agent, Invitee, Manny, Minor League, Non-roster, Ramirez, Red Sox, Retired, Retirement, Spring Training

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  • Derek Stykalo

    I don’t see Manny catching on anywhere. He’s worn out his welcome and besides he has to sit for the first 50 games. Who’s going to want him when June rolls around, no one. He’s done. Like the jab about Nolan Ryan’s company at home games!

  • Derek Stykalo

    I don’t see Manny catching on anywhere. He’s worn out his welcome and besides he has to sit for the first 50 games. Who’s going to want him when June rolls around, no one. He’s done. Like the jab about Nolan Ryan’s company at home games!

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