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How The World Has Changed Since The Red Sox Were Last Over .500

By Michael Lavery

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It’s been a long time since the Red Sox have been over .500. In reality it’s been since the Red Sox’s season ending lost on September 28th to the Orioles. It’s been even longer since they’ve seen them playing good baseball.

As I write this article, 49 games into the 2012 season, the Red Sox are over .500 for the first time this year. Boy, how the world has changed since the last time the Red Sox were a winning team. Let’s take a trip back down memory lane. *Insert Wayne’s World flash back*

Since the last time the Red Sox were over .500…

  • Manny Ramirez has un-retired. Tim Wakefield and Jason Varitek have retired.
  • Albert Pujols left the Cardinals, Prince Fielder left the Brewers, Mark Melancon unfortunately was traded from the Astro.
  • We were forced to learn who Lana Del Rey was.
  • Good bye Twilight (almost), hello 50 Shades of Grey!

    • Middle and lower classes citizens in MA are no longer the only ones who hate Mitt Romney.

  • The “With Mitt” app has learned how to spell “America”.
  • Siri got sassy.

    • I’ve perfected my pancake making technique.

  • We learned that we should call Carly Rae Jepsen. Maybe? I think I lost her number. Carly, if you read this, please send it to me again. (I don’t advice clicking that link)
  • SNL had their 100th digital short. Plus, Laser Cats 7.

    • Terry Francona went from managing the Red Sox to in the booth at ESPN.

    Bobby Valentine went from the Booth at ESPN to managing the Red Sox.

  • Whitney Houston died and Blue Ivy Carter was born.
  • The Cabin in the Woods came out (three years late). AND IT WAS AWESOME!
  • People started caring about Kony.

    • People stopped caring about Kony.

  • They ‘ve made zero progress on “The Killing”.

    • I got a Pinterest. I’ve yet to post on it. I’m not even going to link it here.

  • Jordan “Lil’ Debbie” Capozzi left the “White Girl Mob”. Please hold back your tears…
  • Khaleesi lost her dragons. Found my affections.
  • One Direction apparently is a thing now.

    • Facebook bought instagram and the people bought facebook shares (hopefully they didn’t).

    Dick Clark did his final ball drop.

  • You became just Somebody That I Used To Know

    • Kentucky won March Madness. More importantly I won my bracket. Anthony Davis has hopefully won a trip to the groomer.

    “Swag” got replaced by “YOLO”, the obnoxious level has remained constant.

    Zooey Deschanel has gone mainstream. But still loved by hipsters.

  • Carl didn’t stay in the house. Shane is now a zombie.

    • Have you seen Girls? Not bad.

  •  A naked man in Florida ate someone’s face.

    • Amber Heard is clearly the hottest person in the world. That has not been changed. Just look!

  • Everyone except me has seen The Avengers. Even the characters in The Avengers have seen The Avengers and they were the ones doing the avenging.

    • Steve Jobs has stopped texting.

    Hunger Games is no longer known only as a book read be tweens.

  • Jennifer Lawrence has because super rich.

    • Jennifer Lawrence has not called me. Call me! Maybe?

    Try to remember back to almost the year 2011. A year when the Red Sox were over .500. Won 90 games. Just missed the playoffs. Remember we used this thing called Twitter. Posted on a website called Facebook. Used Gmail and Skype. Awaited the arrival of the hoverboard. Actually I’m still waiting for that. Only 3 years away!

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