Tiger Woods fined for spitting

Tiger Woods was fined an undisclosed amount for spitting on the green at the Dubai Desert Classic.  While lining up his putt on the 12th hole, Tiger was in his crouch, turned his head, and spit.  Sky sports reporter, Ewen Murray, described this act as “Disgusting” and also said that there are parts of Tiger that are “arrogant and petulant”.

I wonder, has Mr Murray ever attended a Major League Baseball game?  If he thought that was disgusting, he hasn’t seen anything yet.  All major leaguers have two things in common, they all spit and they all adjust themselves.  Why is that?  Does anyone have the answer?  Baseball is the only sport I know that players have this urge to spit and grab their crotches.  You see a 225 lb running back get lambasted by a 380 lb linebacker running full speed at him; the collision is nothing short of a head on collision with a freight train.  Hits so hard that it must rattle the running backs teeth, never mind that his cup is probably on backwards by now.  Yet, the player gets up, shakes the cobwebs from his head, and runs back to the huddle.  Never once adjusting himself or spitting.  Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?  Is it the humidity in the air drying them out?  I doubt it.  I have watched five hour Wimbledon matches between John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg in scorching heat, and I don’t recall either of them having to spit.  If anyone was ever going to spit, it would have been McEnroe.

How many times has someone said to you, while watching a game, “That’s gross, why did he just do that?”  Women especially seemed to be the most offended.  How do you answer that?  Is there a logical reason or is that just what baseball players do to make themselves look cool?  Mr Murray stated that, “Somebody now must come up behind him and maybe putt over his spit.  It does not get any lower than that.”   What, a ground ball off the bat of a player doesn’t roll over the terrain covered infield of spit?  Of course it does.  How would you like to be the infielder scooping up the ball barehanded after it has rolled thru the mounds of spit?  Ok, that is disgusting when you think about it, isn’t it?

Let’s take Matt Garza for example.  What the Hell is going on there?  How many times does he spit in an inning or in a game for that matter?  He is like a saliva machine gun.  Matt said that the reason he used to spit so much was that he would go to the rosin bag, then lick his fingers, then back to the rosin bag, and back to his fingers again.  Well, Hello!!!!  What did he think that would make him do?  He just figured that out now?  I want all of you to go grab the baby powder.  Sprinkle it all over your fingers and then lick it off.    How long do you think it would take you to figure out that isn’t something that you want to do often?  Roberto Alomar was suspended for 5 games in 1996 for spitting in the face of umpire John Hirshbeck and he donated $50,000 to ALD research.  John Hirshbeck’s son died of ALD.  I believe he is the only player in baseball history that was penalized for spitting, but that was spitting at someone and not just random spits.  How do you think Mr Garza would react if someone from Frank Robinson’s office said to him after a game, “Mr Robinson was appalled by your spitting tonight and he wants me to tell you that you will be fined $1,000 for each incident of spitting?  That will be one million dollars Mr Garza; do you want to pay that with cash or by check?”  If Gaylord Perry had the reputation as the best spitball pitcher of all time, then Matt Garza is the best spitter, hands down.

Now let’s look at David Ortiz.  How about that nice big spit in the palm of his hand as part of his stepping up to the plate ritual?  I know people who carry a small bottle of hand sanitizer hooked to their key chains, just to wash away germs after they touch anything.  Yet, here is Big Papi, he steps back from the plate, lays a huge spit in his palm and slaps his monstrous hands together, splattering his spit in a ten foot radius around him.  Maybe he should offer the opposing catcher a pair of goggles or a towel every time he comes to the plate.   Then after he hits one of his majestic homers, he trots around the bases , slaps the third base coaches bare hand, proceeds to the dugout and high fives everyone with his spit soaked mitt.  Then again, maybe that is Big Papi’s way to intimidate the opponent.  His way of saying “I’m going to kick your ass” in a macho sort of way.  Maybe that’s it.  It’s all about being macho.  Baseball players unlike football, hockey, and even basketball players, get to hit their opponent, show them who is tougher.   Maybe, that’s why when I am at a urinal, some man will walk up to the adjacent urinal and spit in it before “doing his business”.  Maybe this is a man’s way of marking his territory, like a dog lifts his leg, to mark his spot.  These men don’t have an outlet to let out their aggression, so this simple act makes them feel more macho.  Why did it take me so long to figure this out?

How many times have you been waiting in a restaurant waiting to be seated when you notice a mother grab the arm of her young son as he attempts to pick his nose?  “Danny, we’re in a restaurant, stop that,” she will say.  Fast forward 18-20 years and little Danny has now grown into a major league shortstop.  His first game is televised on National TV and you’re sitting there with as many friends and family as you can gather.  The TV camera zooms to Dan (no longer Danny), and the TV announcer tells everyone that playing shortstop for the first game of his career is “Dan ______.”  Right at that moment, with the whole world watching, Dan first adjusts himself, and then gives everyone a good spit.  How’s that mom?  Still think that little nose pick moment in the restaurant was so embarrassing?

Still think Tiger Woods is so disgusting Mr Murray?